


Rock-A-Bye, Baby

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-19
Updated: 2006-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 04:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1631225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joey wants to give Rachel a thoughtful gift, but he obviously needs a little bit of gentle advice from Chandler on exactly what kind of 'thought' to put into it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rock-A-Bye, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not exactly what you requested, but I had so much fun writing it (and borrowing my sister's DVD sets to research season 8, since I had only seen a few episodes of it before!), so I really hope you have fun reading this story. ^^
> 
> Written for Syrenslure

 

 

**Rock-A-Bye, Baby**

Joey sat by himself, cross-legged, in the middle of his living room floor. Frustration rose like a thick fog from his slumped shoulders, bowed head and tightly squeezed shut eyes. A fierce, hammering headache was assaulting his temples and the sensitive nerves behind his eyes, making him grunt, and, for the umpteenth time that day, wish he hadn't decided to walk from the connecting station when he heard the subway was delayed further along the line, and, by doing so, happened to pass by the display window of a particular Swedish imports store.

Now, with a groan of resignation, he reopened his eyes and looked around, reassessing his dismal, depressing situation. He was surrounded by chaos. The furniture had been pushed back against the walls, clearing a large, open space in the center of the room in front of the entertainment unit. Even the rug had been rolled back. Joey was sitting in the middle of this cleared space, while, littered in a messy ring around him on the floor, the numerous, mystifyingly tiny pieces of a "Do it Yourself!" baby crib sat, awaiting assembly.

Assembly, however, wasn't coming along as 'effortlessly' as the sales representative had led Joey to believe it would. With a sigh of intensely frustrated displeasure, he let his body fall backwards, and he lay on stretched out on his back, eyes staring up at the bare ceiling as he childishly took a small token of satisfaction from the sounds of a handful of the Swedish puzzle pieces scattering across the tile floor in the wake of his flop of defeat.

He was still in this position, and this undignified state of tired surrender, when a key turned noisily in the lock and, a second later, the door swung open. Joey's eyes were closed; he didn't bother to look - he knew whoever it was, their immediate reaction would give their identity away. Furious shock would be Monica, who seemed so adverse to disorder and dirt. Phoebe, on the other hand, would delight in the chaos, if, in fact, she even noticed it. Rachel would, more likely than not, be amused by his boyishness, touched by his gesture, but, without a doubt, unimpressed with the mess. Ross would--

A screw of some kind bounced off his head. Then another hit and stung his ear. Joey's eyes popped open, and he chuckled. Such crude, almost crass humour immediately reminded him of snarky, witty sarcasm and outright, off the cuff jokes, and that, of course, instantly and always, reminded him of a particular person.

The other man's name was already on his lips before he could speak.

"Chandler."

"Hey, Joey!" his friend replied, leaning forward to look down at the Italian sprawled out across the floor, among the unorganized clutter. "Nice to see you decided to redecorate, buddy, but I'm not sure if it's quite.... YOU," Chandler teased, keeping his expression deadpan and serious, while his eyes gleamed with amusement.  
Joey grinned back at him. "I saw the _perfect_ crib for Rachel today on the way home, but..." Still laying stretched out flat on his back, he waved a hand towards the mess around him with a frown. "I'm having some trouble putting it together."

"Hmm..." Chandler dropped down into a crouch and slowly looked around the room. After a few moments of silent, serious-faced contemplation, he finally said quietly, "I think I see what your problem is, Joey."

"You do? What is it!?" the Italian asked, sitting up quickly. He turned around to face his friend eagerly.

Chandler leaned forward and whispered his observation: "You are an idiot."

"HEY!!!"

The teasing man grinned and patted his friend's shoulder. "But don't worry, Joey. I still love you, so I'll give you a second piece of advice."

"Hmph... what is it?" Joey asked sulkily, understandably less eager to hear Chandler's reply this time.

His friend dropped down onto his rump with a soft "Umph!", before saying casually, "Well, you do know that they sell these things already made, right?"

"Yeah, I know but-"

"Sooo...," Chandler stressed, ignoring the interruption, "why don't you just buy one that's already put together?"

"But I want to give her one _I_ made!" Joey explained hastily, blurting it out quickly before the other man could cut him off again. When he realized Chandler had stopped speaking to listen to him, he quickly elaborated: "It's nicer and more thoughtful."

"More thoughtful?" Chandler echoed. "Even if it's ugly and falling apart?"

Joey nodded. "It's the thought that counts," he said cheerfully, quoting a Gap commercial he had auditioned for the week prior.

Chandler bit back a snort of derisive laughter. He could just imagine Rachel's reaction if Joey tried to give her this mess and explain the horribleness of his gift with such a lame expression! "Only idiots use idioms, Joey," he chided light-heartedly. Joey's blank, clueless expression made Chandler realize the teasing gibe had gone straight over his friend's head, so he quickly steered the conversation back to the issue at hand, and scattered around the apartment, before Joey could take offence. "So, you're saying you want to give a gift that's thoughtful? Well, have you thought about how Rachel might react if you give her a crib you made yourself?"

Joey blinked in surprise. "What do you mean? She'll love it!"

"Are you a tradesman, Joey?"

"Whadaya mean?"

"Are you a carpenter? Do you have any carpentry skills?"

Joey frowned. He had a feeling where this might be going, but he replied honestly anyways: "No."

Chandler continued: "Would _you_ put _your_ baby in a crib that wasn't made by a trained professional? _If you had kids_ ," he quickly added, not willing to let Joey drag the point of his message off on some dead end tangent over word choice or a hypothetical example.

Joey sighed. "The box says 'Safe and Simple'," he pointed out petulantly.

Chandler saw an opening and moved in for his killing, sarcastic blow. "And _was_ it easy, Joey?" he asked, glancing around the room at the mess of screw, bolts and wooden rungs.

Joey sighed. "No," he admitted, knowing he had lost their verbal sparring match, as he often did, though not nearly as often as he used to when they first became friends. He nodded in agreement as Chandler made the obvious conclusion.

"Then it's not safe."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Joey said, his voice quiet and heavy with dejection. "I just _really_ wanted to help her out and give her something nice since she's being have such a rough time lately with the baby coming and everything, you know?"

Chandler nodded, and watched as his friend got onto his hands and knees and, with another drawn out sigh, began to pick up the discarded crib pieces on the floor and drop them back into their original box.

"You know, Joey..."

The Italian looked up at Chandler as the other man beckoned to him. "Oh yeah? What?"

"There _is_ one gift that I _know_ is safe and Rachel _always_ loves."

Joey was all ears. With a smirk, Chandler reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He gestured for silence as Joey began to sputter in confusion, then, with an overly dramatic and intentionally childish flourish, pulled a $50 bill out of his wallet. He waved it through the air in front of his friend and they both grinned at the simplicity of the answer to the question of what to give Rachel to show her they cared.

"Money."

 

 

 


End file.
